April 3

Today is my oldest son's 7th birthday. Seven years seems like a long time to me. I feel like I have known this little person forever. But then again, seven years have gone by in a flash. How can he be reading and writing and operating electronic devices and playing sports already?

Seven years ago, I was a very different person. I am not going to say I was naive but I think I was naive. I remember when I was pregnant, people saying how my life was going to change so much-and I just rolled my eyes thinking, "Whatever, I like my life. Why should it change?" I remember thinking maternity leave would be so great, I was going to get all this stuff done. I thought I would get the hang of this mommy thing pretty quickly. After all, most of my life, I have been successful at my endeavors. I also assumed my house would stay orderly, I would still be accomplished at my career, and be able to keep up with social engagements. I figured my husband and I would be closer than ever.

Today, I realize that the 32 year old version of me had a lot to learn. I am not saying I regret anything, but I do reflect on that person I used to be and wonder if there was any easier way of preparing for what lie ahead. I doubt it. I am one of those people that just learns things the hard way. I rarely take any one's word for anything.

As for my seven year old, poor thing. I have been a deer in headlights most of his little life. Every new thing for him is a new thing for me. This year it was losing teeth, sleepovers, full time school-packing and forgetting to pack lunches, figuring out ordering hot lunch. Some of these things seem so simple, yet I have managed to completely screw them up. I have sent him to school with the flu-he went undiagnosed with Asthma for who knows how long, I have botched up dress code for him countless times, and I get anxiety when he has to decorate anything for display at school (valentines boxes, King's Kid poster). Who knows how much the inexperienced mom in me has surfaced in his seven years.

And yet, he never complains. He was going to bed last night-sneezing and wheezing from allergies as usual. And he was still in the best spirits. Somehow, he thinks I am the greatest mommy ever. He loves when I come to his classroom. There is just a light in his eyes. He has this smile that is unmistakable when he sees me-it speaks volumes always makes me feel better. It has a way of glossing over all those silly mommy moves I make. It has a way of making this journey worth every bit of work and heart ache it can be sometimes. I suppose most of this post is just details-there is really only one worth remembering...my son knows how much I love him.