Monday, July 8, 2013

Things never go as planned

My trip to Wyoming.....
Somehow, I got it in my head that Steamboat Springs and Jackson Hole, Wy. are not that far apart.  By not that far, I figured it would take about 5 hours by car.  When I found out we had a baseball tournament in Steamboat Springs, I decided to drive on over to see my college-roomie and lifelong friend, Laura, for a few days.

9 hours later, it was still a very worthwhile visit.  However, the lack of an adapter for my Ipod in my sister's car, and the brutal mis-use of Google Maps led me to believe this road trip was an indicator of my sanity-or maybe lack of it.

One of the things that filled my mind was the startlingly stupid road signs you come across while driving across states.  Here are some of my favorites:

Falling Rock:  Well thanks a lot!  Now they will know what did it when I take my car to get repairs-assuming I survive the whole "rogue boulder rolling down a hill on its way to my car" experience.

Truck Weighing Stations-why do trucks have to get weighed anyway?  I am sure it made sense at some point in time, but seriously, is there some giant scale like at the bathroom in the gym?  Is that still something people do?

State Prison next exit:  SO, you are saying if someone approaches my car in an orange suit and chains, I should direct him there?  Think of the trouble that sign has saved people.

Scenic View:  I have never known one person who actually drove along a highway looking for places to stop and look at the scenery.  It's a lovely thought, but as I drove needlessly too far, I started to really resent those scenic views.

I noticed in Wyoming the signs just stated things-

picture of a deer and Crossing, or Emergency Parking Only-because people might otherwise park on the shoulder of a road where 75 is not only legal, but encouraged by trucks with bumper stickers on them.

But in Colorado, the signs took extra care to tell us STATE LAW before the all-important rhetoric that followed, such as
use right lane except to pass, in the event of an emergency, move away from traffic.  As if the absence of the words, STATE LAW imply that it is more of a suggestion, which is how I like to think of speed limits most of the time.

Speaking of bumper stickers, I don't understand cars that have a ton of bumper stickers.  Especially those with tons of political opinions.  I am not going to be driving along thinking, hmm, I wonder if I should support gun laws?  And then see some clever slogan and make my decision.  What exactly is the point of these messages?  I actually saw a license plate frame the other day that read:  Conservative Republican.  WOW-good for you.  If anything, I feel less likely to align myself with people who might otherwise think I would have no opinions of my own other than to survey the fellow motorists stuck in some traffic nightmare along with me.

And my all time FAVORITE sign on the highway.....(drumroll)...

NO Services next 100 Miles

WTF!  Are you kidding me?  Is the time to share this information really now?  Wouldn't the better sign be-
Hey Idiots who are obviously not from around here, this is the LAST stop for longer than your gas tank and bladder can probably handle-so get off now!

Honestly, not only are there no gas stations or convenience stores in case you need corn nuts-but the almighty internet is not available either so you can tell people (who thought you were an moron for thinking Steamboat and Jackson were that close together) that you are on a gravel road with grates for the keeping the cattle in, and most likely lost.  I swear, I drove for HOURS without seeing another person or car.  Occastionally, I did see a cow-in the middle of the road-looking at me like I was the one out of place-sure, like it was me!