Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'll drink to that

This is a post about all the things I am happy about today-

  • I finally got my certification to teach group exercise (through AFAA). I hope to teach spinning but I will start anywhere I can. It was harder to get than I thought. The test was a pain, and the whole auditioning thing was a bit daunting. BUT, it's over and I am done with that part. Now to the good part. I got a call from a rec center near my house about possible openings, and my Tues/Thurs class instructor told me I could start doing a few songs in her class just to get my feet wet. So, I am very happy that I can cross one thing off my list. I have been going to do this for some time. Progress!

  • I am also very happy to have gotten my first writing assignment published at work-and I am working on a second. That would be so nice if I could just work out and write for a living instead of sell advertising.

  • It is no longer Monday...that's always something that makes me happy

  • Summer is not over (almost but not yet, and I am holding on to it-kind of like my 30's)

  • Matt Holliday is back in the National League-which means I get to see him more at Coors Field, and that makes me happy.

  • Football season is around the corner-I love it!

  • And as always, my family is happy and healthy. This is something I celebrate every day. Thank the very kind Lord for all my blessings!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

More tune talk

Tonight our bed is cold
I’m lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he’s sure of
.....Bruce Springstein, Brilliant Disguise

I love this song, and I love the way the Boss has such a raw sense of emotion and honesty. I love the line about doubting what you are sure of. Who doesn't? In this song he is talking about love and marriage. But it is certainly isn't limited to that. Life is full of moments where you doubt what you are sure of. Parenting is a great example-I thought for sure I would get an A in mommyhood. Yet, I doubt what I do all the time. I suppose we all parent better when we don't have kids. And how many times in life have we done something we swore we would never/could never do? I know my list is strong.

It's a new road
I follow where
My mind goes
So swallow all your tears my love
And put on your new face
You can never win or lose
If you don't run the race
........Psychedelic Furs, Love My Way

I do not think of the Furs as a band with incredibly profound lyrics. In fact, when I hear this song, I picture my college roommates and me outside dorm 12 at Pepperdine catching rays and watching boys walk by on their way to classes that we were probably blowing off. However, I am amazed to see this last line here-"you can never win or lose if you don't run the race".
Some people are okay with not running the race because then, you can never lose. And losing sucks. I hate it! My brother in law recently shared with me that he will never get married-and this is a great example of that. Yes, he will never have to worry about a marriage falling apart. There is a huge amount of risk involved with the proverbial running of the race. I can see why you would opt out. But there is value in losing. And doesn't it make winning that much sweeter?

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

.......Nelly Furtado, Say It Right

This wreaks of unrequieted love, and everyone has one. Of course you have to act tough (you don't mean a thing to me); but the truth is, you hate it. And it does mean something to you. It's not even that you want this person anymore, just that he/she got the best of you. No one wants to be the one who got dumped, or got his/her heart broken. It is a rite of passage to growing up though, and everyone has had one. And if you haven't, then you just plain suck. Again, there is value in losing. When I look back at some of the people who passed on me, I am so thankful. I may not have been at the time, but I sure am today. (this is another purpose Facebook serves)

Seasons don't fear the reaper

Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are

Come on baby...don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand...don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly...don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man....
...........Blue Oyster Cult, Don't Fear the Reaper

And the timeless Romeo and Juliet story. Endless references to this love story. I hope in death and eternity, romance thrives because in life, it isn't all that it's cracked up to be. After all, Romeo and Juliet were only about 14 (thanks for pointing that out Mindee). They didn't even live together. Shakespear was probably being symbolic. Without all the distractions of life, romance would be alive and well. The world is full of too much judgement, prejudice, routine, bills, laundry, change, pressures, etc that all have a way of dragging romance right down the drain. And in this interpretation, the only way to get around that is to skip life and go right to death. Kind of a gloomy way of looking at it.

Friday, July 17, 2009

By definition

Underachiever-Failure to achieve as well as one's abilities would seem to allow.

This is a nickname Paul has for me. It is related to my high level of education and lacking corresponding career and earnings.

On the one hand, I suppose it is flattering that he thinks I am very bright and capable and could command a high level career, etc. However, to steal some content from my favorite blogger, Mindee (http://www.ourfrontdoor.us/); why is being a mom considered an underachievement? And somehow, if you are educated, it is an even bigger one.

I am not a stay at home mom, however, my job as a mommy is far more important to me than my job outside the home. Consequently, I will never schmooze my way up corporate ladders, seek higher and more demanding positions, put in above and beyond hours, reach crazy milestones, etc. I lack the focus, attention and motivation in a career. I do not lack the ability or the intelligence or the education. I just don't want it.

I choose to lead the double life of housewife with a job. And that is a role a lot of women have. Not to get on a pity party tangent, but let's face it, most working women are still the phantom housewives. I am sure there are some princes out there who really help out with more than the traditional man of the house roles. But, overall, I still feel like the lionshare of homemaker duties fall upon the wife/mommy/maid/whatever regardless of if she has a job outside the home. I have often felt like the state of affairs in my unkept home, un-matching sock wearing boys with messy hair and forgotten backpacks and breakfast all over their shirts b/c they eat in the car ride, etc. is a huge reflection on me and not my husband.

I don't feel less intelligent or less significant because my primary concern is raising my children. However, I do feel far less competent at both my jobs (inside and outside the home) than I would if I only had one. Obviously, if I could chose only one, it would be SAHM.

There was a time when I thought that road would be much easier. Then I had a few weeks off between jobs in about 2006; getting a first hand look for myself. I had a one year old and a four year old at the time. It is NOT easier. In fact, it was much harder than any job I had ever held. And a bit less rewarding in many ways. People tend to think you have nothing to do, and you have far less leeway for screwing things up. No one gives you any feedback-except if you mess something up. Your house cannot stay clean because, well, you and your kids are living in it. I think of my friends who are at home with kids. I look at them quite differently than I did before I tried doing it myself. I have always respected (and envied) SAHMs-but getting to walk a mile in their shoes really cemented it for me.

I try not to be opinionated on the matter of which road mommies take. I believe most of us don't have a choice. The SAHM moms I know are all very gracious for the priviledge of being SAHMs. In fact they are very intelligent, educated, capable and talented ladies which makes it that much more remarkable to me. And again to plagerize Mindee, 99% of moms I know are doing the best they can with what they have. But I do wish there was a way of shaking this unimpressive image of SAHMs or people like myself who are considered underachievers for placing my focus on being a mommy instead of an employee.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Redneck Riveria

This is our view from our room of the pool and the beach-incredible

Our friend Bobby was spot on about Florida being the redneck riveria. We are in Destin, Florida for the 4th of July holiday. It is breathtakingly beautiful. I have loved every minute of it. But the wildlife-or the southerners that are part of the scenery-is just hilarious.

This place is riddled with tobacco, tattoo shops, airbrushing, confederate flags, gun racks, bud light and the accents-oh, the accents. What is it about a southern drawl that sounds so unintelligent? Surely these folks aren't as stupid as they sound? Is there a how-to be-a-hick handbook that gets distributed? I would love to see it.

Obesity is alive and well down here. I read last week where Colorado was the leanest state in the county-and I believe it now. At most of the restaurants there are about 3 salads on the menu and usually one has fried shrimp. There is always a large section for fried foods.

But to be fair, the south, with its unique culture, is home to some of the nicest and most polite people around. I cannot believe how kind and friendly people are. Skinny Colorado is not like that. People don't hold doors or say hello just to be friendly like they do here. And what a little jewel the gulf coast is! I have never heard of Destin Florida or Okaloosa Island but I would come here again in a minute. It is every bit as nice as Hawaii and not nearly as expensive (or snobby). Family vacations are the best. I still remember the ones I took as a kid, and it is a wonderful memory to give my sweet little boys. It's nice for hubby and me too to get away from all the noise of life!