I have often wrestled with the difference between these two things. I have had jobs, and I have also considered myself career oriented. But lately, I find that I am in an in-between area. I want to have a career, but if feels more like I just have a job. To me, a career means something fulfilling, interesting, enjoyable. A job just means showing up, going through the motions until you can leave. The trouble with meeting the criteria for a career-is whether or not you get paid-and how much. I LOVE teaching group exercise-and that just does not pay the bills. I would love to stay at home with my kids more-which also does not pay. I have a job that pays (at least better than those options); and it does not even come close to matching up with my list. So, the conundrum continues.
I am not sure what the answer is. The go-getter in me has shifted. I am not so sure what I want to go get anymore. I used to be so eager to do anything just to prove myself and I really believed I could do anything. I am not feeling it so much lately. My husband would say to this, "stop being so pathetic-grow a backbone". And I can see that, but I have lost my way. I struggle with what I want to be when I grow up-and I am turning 40 in a few weeks! I don't expect my husband to understand-he just isn't built like I am. I guess what it comes down to is the fact that I am just plain scared. I have never been so scared of letting people down. I want to take care of my kids, hold up my end of things with my husband, do a good job at work, all that stuff.....I just haven't been able to do it.