Monday, March 29, 2010

Job vs Career

I have often wrestled with the difference between these two things. I have had jobs, and I have also considered myself career oriented. But lately, I find that I am in an in-between area. I want to have a career, but if feels more like I just have a job. To me, a career means something fulfilling, interesting, enjoyable. A job just means showing up, going through the motions until you can leave. The trouble with meeting the criteria for a career-is whether or not you get paid-and how much. I LOVE teaching group exercise-and that just does not pay the bills. I would love to stay at home with my kids more-which also does not pay. I have a job that pays (at least better than those options); and it does not even come close to matching up with my list. So, the conundrum continues.

I am not sure what the answer is. The go-getter in me has shifted. I am not so sure what I want to go get anymore. I used to be so eager to do anything just to prove myself and I really believed I could do anything. I am not feeling it so much lately. My husband would say to this, "stop being so pathetic-grow a backbone". And I can see that, but I have lost my way. I struggle with what I want to be when I grow up-and I am turning 40 in a few weeks! I don't expect my husband to understand-he just isn't built like I am. I guess what it comes down to is the fact that I am just plain scared. I have never been so scared of letting people down. I want to take care of my kids, hold up my end of things with my husband, do a good job at work, all that stuff.....I just haven't been able to do it.


  1. I hear you and see your points in spades. I will be fifty-three in June and I have little to no drive for further accomplishments beyond creating fabric wall hangings and snuggling the toddler I look after three days a week. After being a workaholic for the entirety of my adulthood, I have slid into not wanting to do more than is necessary to maintain status quo.

    Peri-menopause affects us all in strange ways-I am blaming my lack of motivation on hormones. Might that apply to you as well? Not that that will pay the bills and with two little ones you don't have the luxury of loafing. How is your older son doing?

  2. I never thought about whether it was hormones. Maybe it is? I also think turning 40 (decades) can play a role in making me assess what I am doing with my life. My older son is doing okay. Since he stopped watching teenager TV, he seems to be acting a little more like an 8 year old but I still feeling like I am losing him some days.

    I am not sure it is wrong to shift from being a workaholic to caring about things in life that are more meaningful. I just wish it didn't make me feel so bad.

    Thanks for your insights and comments :)